Performance Review

We have been feeling that we haven’t achieved enough in this gift of time we have given ourselves. It has been hard to give this up and begin to see that we have, in fact, accomplished a great deal. Last weekend marked six months since we arrived in La Rochelle to begin this great adventure. This anniversary has been haunting us! Six months ago we had great expectations of what we might do and how we might spend our time. Our goal was to live everyday life in this new place, to try and become part of the activity of the city. Nevertheless, we each came with a list of actual projects we wished to undertake. We thought that far away from the distractions of Toronto we could hunker down to tasks that seemed so difficult to begin at home. And so, at this halfway mark we are berating ourselves because they are not as close to completion as we had hoped. To be completely honest, we have hardly begun. I was going to become fluent in French, edit my mother's letters, read all the books I have always meant to read (and paid to bring all the way over here), produce various artistic needlework items and lose that infernal 10 pounds. David was going to become semi-fluent in French, proceed at a rapid pace to even greater skill in drawing and watercolour, read all the books he has always meant to read (and paid to bring all the way over here) and lose his infernal 10 pounds.  Now we are beginning to wonder: "What were we thinking of?" Good students of the philosophy of being in the moment: why did we have all these plans? Why were we so taken with the idea of 'getting things done' when the real idea was to live here, to be open to each new day and find the adventures. The strange thing is, we have been doing exactly that. We have done so much. Just not the Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound goals that we, with the best of intentions, had set out for ourselves. I wonder why we felt we had to have these goals? We couldn't imagine a whole year of ‘doing nothing'. Our strong Anglo-Saxon, work-ethical selves needed to achieve something.

How could we have imagined that our lives would be so taken up with people? This gift of friends and acquaintances is perhaps the most surprising accomplishment of all. The reading we did before leaving Toronto led us to believe that French people, while friendly, are slow to add you to their lives, do not invite you to their homes. I think we imagined our lives here would be friendless and therefore, full of time for The Projects. It has been far from that and happily so.

                     

We owe a great debt of gratitude to Géry and Marie, who have gone out of their way to welcome us into their lives and introduce us to their friends. As well, we have made efforts to add to this circle and it is slowly expanding. We will always be grateful to these people who have embraced us. They know we will be leaving and yet, they are willing to take the time to make us feel at home in their city and become our friends.

We have also worked at staying in touch with everyone at home. David tried to keep in contact with his philosophy class through a video link on the Internet. Sadly, technology seems not yet up to this and factors like time difference just make it unrealistic. He decided to concentrate on life here and catch up with the philosophy class when we return. More successful have been the video conversations with granddaughters and friends where we can choose the timing to suit everyone.

We could never have imagined the time and energy required to set up our living arrangements here. If we look back on the endless hours spent just figuring things out--getting a phone, sorting out Internet providers, understanding the intricacies of French banking, organizing the apartment to suit our needs, learning the city (not a small task in a place where the streets are all higgledy-piggledy) AND doing all this

in a different  language, we are amazed. 

           

Now we take for granted our comfort and ability to easily find what we need and haven't given ourselves enough credit. There were many moments of disbelief ("How can they do it that way?"), frustration ("I already tried that and it didn't work!") and criticism of what we perceived to be the "wrong" way of doing things. Through this I think we began to learn to just relax about the small stuff. However, we decided to write a letter to the Mayor, partly to congratulate him on his wonderful city but also to let him know our experience of the Visa process. He is a Deputé at the Assemblée Nationale and apparently spoke out against the new regulations. 

And no, I am not completely fluent in French! I am not even sure that was a SMART goal. However, this week I made a spirited (if unsuccessful) attempt to return a damaged suitcase. Part way through the transaction I realized I was using all the old assertiveness training techniques but in French!! “Mais, Mme, are you not supposed to use the wheels of this suitcase?"  Sometimes I find myself thinking in French, I am able to read more complicated articles in newspapers and magazines and to have more complex discussions with friends. As everyone tells him, David 'fait des progrès'. He is not as far along as he thought he would be but he makes himself understood and is beginning to develop a wider vocabulary and an understanding of the dreaded French grammar.

And I haven't edited my mother's letters. I haven't even read them all. But, more importantly, she and my father are very close to me in this adventure. When David and I sat in the Opera Garnier, I could see the seats they took me to on my tenth birthday and again on my 20th. I think of them having their own adventure, living in Paris in the 1950's, somewhat hampered by having two young children, but throwing themselves into it nevertheless. It has made me feel very close to them, as though they are, long after their deaths, sharing this time with me.

I will get to the books! Perhaps not all of them as I now have added reading and writing in French to my daily agenda--see goal # 1! And if I don't read them here, it is possible to take them home and continue with this goal in Toronto. David has achieved more than I on this score although he has been sidetracked from books to the wonderful Guardian Weekly and The Economist.

The infernal pounds! Some of them are gone! More would have disappeared without the distraction of French food, wine, cheese, bread and pastries but they too are all part of this adventure. We are both fitter now that we walk everywhere and my little gym Women Fitness is helping push me towards this goal. Soon spring will be here and jogging will become more interesting. So, who knows?

These were all great goals to have, especially since we had no idea what life would be like for us here. However, the main goal is to enjoy what we are doing now in La Rochelle. We will never have this time again. We don't want to return to Canada regretful, wishing we had spent the time differently. Slowly, we continue to learn the lesson of savouring, slowing down, leaving the 'shoulds' behind.  So when you next see us, we may not have accomplished our SMART goals but we hope to be happier, more content and certainly will have lots of stories to tell.